Shy Girl
by The 13th Faerie
Summary: Marie likes/hates Sirius Black. Not that it matters, since she's invisible to him. Her plan was to be invisible during her time at Hogwarts. But then Black joined some club and her plan went to hell.
1. Chapter 1

-1My fingers impatiently tapped against my leg as I waited for this torture to be over. The shrill screams of girls willing to throw away all of their dignity scraped my ears and I gritted my teeth. The sky was darkening and a pleasant breeze sprang up. Once more I glanced at Hogwarts. How much more torture would I be submitted to?

The object of my torture, Sirius Black, was zooming around on a broomstick. I know, incredibly exciting, right? What could beat watching a guy on a broomstick? Well, I know there are Quidditch fans, but I have not, nor will I ever, like Quidditch. To me, Quidditch was like any other sport; I've seen it once, and it wasn't anything special. Sure it was at first but then the novelty wore off. So if I hated Quidditch so much, why was I willing to sacrifice my precious time watching a guy I didn't even like fly around on a broomstick?

Simple, I wanted friends. Don't get me wrong, I didn't think the giggling girls ogling Sirius were my friends. I wasn't that naïve. At the very least they'd be people I could chat with. By chatting I mean giggling, "Sirius is so hot!" or something like that. It kills me a little inside, but if that's what it takes for me to get friends, then so be it. Yes, I'm aware of how shallow it is and I hate it when girls do that. I mean, it's such a cliché. The girl starts out shy and sweet and usually likes this popular jerk. She gets sick of being invisible so she changes her image and becomes someone she's not. Then the guy notices her, but he's a jerk….blah, blah, blah…..do I really need to go on? No? Good.

I guess I kind of fit that mold. I'm shy, always hang my down, prefer books to human contact, smart, my looks are average-fine, I'm the stereotypical shy girl from the movies. But I'm different! Do you see me being someone I'm not? Do you? The Sirius watching doesn't count. It's not like I've started babbling about how hot he was and obsessing over my appearance. Mostly I just nod and say, "Uh-huh," a lot. Truth be told I doubted those girls would notice if I was there or not. So then why was I there? Feeling highly stupid I sprang up and stalked to the castle. I had just wasted half an hour of my life to watch some boy. Granted, it was my fault; no one was forcing me to stay.

The thing is, I've never been uncomfortable with my shyness. There were a few times I felt lonely, but it never really bothered me. I was never interested in what other people talked about, and I didn't feel the need to seek out human company. So then why was I going out of my way to have friends? It all started with a comment made by an idiot in my Muggle Studies class. I blocked most of the conversation out of my mind, except for when the guy called me a loser, said my hair was ugly, no one liked me, and a bunch of other crap. Did I mention that he's my boyfriend? I'm sorry, I try to block that out of my mind. Besides, I just found out today and we broke up, so it really doesn't matter. Confused? A few months ago I was peacefully reading my book when this guy started talking to me. His name's Omar. Omar was basically babbling on about Quidditch and stuff I didn't care about. He doesn't talk to me for months then today in class he's all, "Marie, what size shirt do you wear? What size skirt do you wear?" Obviously I thought he was a pervert, so I asked why it was any of his business and he goes, "Because I'm your boyfriend." I told him he wasn't and he lost it. Omar started shouting about how no one liked me, and you know the rest.

It's not that I'm bothered by what he said- okay, I am. I know I shouldn't be bothered by what one jerk said to me, and I tried not to be, but I was. Omar had hit my secret fear; what if people hated me? Did they consider me a snob just because I didn't talk? Did they whisper about that shy girl whenever I passed by? People didn't hate me. I don't know if they liked me, but I think they respect me. But when Omar made that comment I became paranoid that people hated me. I wanted to prove him wrong. I had friends. People didn't hate me. The quickest way at the time was to become another Sirius fan girl, but that didn't work out so well.

I can understand why girls like Sirius Black, but I don't understand why they'd just throw away all their dignity because of him. Sure he's insanely gorgeous. He's got this long, dark hair and it falls into his grey eyes like the bad boy character in a romance novel. Actually, he is kind of like the bad boy in the romance novels. Did I mention that I'm a sucker for the bad boy in a romance novel? The nice guy is so boring, but the bad boy follows his own agenda. He has girls wondering if he really loves them or not. The nice boy is safe, predictable. But the bad boy is passionate. I love seeing the bad boy paired with the shy girl- opposites attracting is one of my guilty pleasures. Does this mean I like Sirius? Well…..

Honestly, I'm not quite sure. Hard to believe, but I only remember having a crush on one boy in the second grade, and that was more like hero worship. How does it feel when you like someone? I've read all sorts of versions in books, but I don't know if they're true. Let's see, did I feel nervous around Sirius? Yes, but I felt nervous around everyone. Did I feel happy when he smiled at me or acknowledged me? He didn't. Did I obsess over every acknowledgment and wonder if it meant more? Since he didn't acknowledge me I don't know, but probably. Do I feel happy just thinking about him? No, not really. I mean, my inner girly-girl screams about how hot he is, but I just shove her to the corners of my mind. So the answer is, I don't like Sirius.

Maybe I do, just a little. There are times I'll wonder what it'll be like to be his girlfriend, but then I'll grow embarrassed and stop. I mean, even if I did like him and he did notice me, we're total opposites. He's loud and outgoing, I'm shy and keep to myself. I more or less live in the library, he probably doesn't even no where it is. He's a player who probably doesn't even know what love is, I'm an innocent romantic. In the alternate universe that Sirius did acknowledge me he'd get bored of me in ten seconds. What was I going to talk about? The story I was writing? The latest book I read? Why would Sirius Black care about my world?

What I feel for Sirius is curiosity and admiration. I know he had trouble with his family but I wasn't sure what. He was so confident and smart, although he never applied it during lessons. He was always the life of the party. I wondered how someone could be so confident and sure of themselves. Why couldn't I be like that? I wish I could be like him.

This whole attempt at proving a point isn't worth my time. Why should I have to prove a point to some jerk? That's right, I don't. My common sense has returned. There is nothing wrong with being shy and not talking to a lot of people. I'm perfectly happy with the way I am. I know people probably don't understand why people wouldn't want to talk, but that's their problem. Feeling completely happy with myself, I headed to my dormitory. I was a shy girl and I was fine with it.

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	2. Chapter 2

-1Thanks for all the reviews!

As I flipped through the pages of my book, I inhaled the familiar smell of the library. It was nice and quiet. The only sounds were the rustling of pages and Madame Pince bustling around. This was what I knew and what I was happy with. I had complete solitude here. Sure, I wished I had companions, but I knew for a fact that I'd be too shy to initiate conversation.

Soon I became aware of a weird noise. It was like I subconsciously knew it was there but I hadn't acknowledged it. Distantly I wondered why Madame Pince hadn't started yelling at whomever was making that strange noise. As I listened more closely I realized it sounded like someone was groaning. Closing my book, I listened even more intently. Was someone sick? Should I go and help them? No, chances were the groaner could be sick and I wouldn't have a clue what to do. Worse, what if they were having sex? I shivered at that mental image. Eventually curiosity overcame me and I navigated my way through the shelves until I reached the groaner.

I couldn't directly see their face, so I edged closer. A head of sandy-brown hair was hunched over a thick volume. "Are you okay?" I whispered. No answer. Well, I hadn't spoken up, soooo….. I jumped as the book was slammed shut and the groaner looked up. It was Remus Lupin. His eyes met mine and I immediately lowered them. Remus Lupin, companion of James and Sirius, and the guy I wished I could befriend, was staring right at me. Come on Marie, don't just stand there like an idiot! Say something or leave! Go on! I opened my mouth but to my horror a strange gurgling noise came out. My feet were frozen to the ground, otherwise I'd have bolted out of there.

"Are you okay?" Not daring to look up, I nodded. What would Remus think of me now? Later today he'd probably be laughing at the loser Ravenclaw he'd met at the library. Great, now the only place I felt safe was ruined. "I hope I wasn't disturbing you," Remus said.

"Huh?" I grunted. With a tremendous effort I wrenched my gaze up to meet his. Instead of scorn his warm amber eyes held concern and amusement. "I guess my groaning must be annoying."

Yes it was, I wanted to say, but I held my tongue. Was I supposed to say something back, or just nod? I wasn't friends with Remus; I wasn't required to listen to him. "It's just that I've been having trouble with Potions."

Unable to hold my tongue I blurted out, "How can you have trouble with that?" I immediately regretted it as I remembered my muggle schooling. I'd felt so stupid when I was the only one in class who didn't understand something and my classmates would look at me with incredulous scorn. I must have been some sort of moron to not understand what we were learning. Shut up! I wanted to scream. I don't get it! After that I vowed I'd never act like that.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "That was rude. It's just….Potions is my best subject. Which is weird, actually, because in Potions all you have to do is follow the instructions. There's really no thinking involved. Well, I suppose there is because you have to make sure you do things correctly and that requires a lot of concentration. It's kind of like chemistry or math because you have the instructions and the formulas, you just need to plug in stuff. It's weird because I sucked at math and chemistry even though they're supposed to be the easiest subjects to learn. But I'm excellent in the wizarding equivalent in those subjects."

Remus stared at me and I flushed, lowering my gaze. My incessant babbling echoed in my ears mockingly. What was I thinking? I'd just violated one of my rules- no talking. Remus probably didn't even care about whatever rubbish I was spouting. Why would he? I waited for him to snap a rude remark, but he didn't. Instead he pulled out a chair and gestured for me to sit down. Okay. Was this normal? My only knowledge of human behavior came from books. When someone babbled like an idiot, did someone usually invite them to sit down? Maybe Remus was planning a prank Yeah, humiliate the shy Ravenclaw. No, he wouldn't do that. Right?

"Are you going to sit down or not?"

"Huh? Oh, right!" I plopped onto the chair and started drawing patterns on the table with my fingernails. This was unusual. Someone had asked me to sit down. A boy had asked me to sit down. Why would he do that? What was I supposed to do? I felt like a mermaid out of water.

"Since you're so good at Potions I was wondering if you'd help me." Wait, what? Me help him? Remus was a seventh year Gryffindor while I was a sixth year Ravenclaw. Why would he ask me to help him? Didn't he have his own friends for that? Why would he ask some girl he'd just met for help? Oh, right, pity. He was like everyone else- thinking that I was some helpless girl who needed a friend. When would people get it through their thick heads that I was fine?

"Are you okay?" I realized I was scowling. Stop it, Marie! I scolded myself. Remus doesn't pity you. He's being nice. Now stop being so defensive and say something! "I'm fine," I muttered. "Let's get started." I reached for the book but Remus stopped me. "Shouldn't you tell me your name?" Oh, right! "It's Marie. Apparently it means sea of bitterness in French."

"I'm Remus Lupin." I already knew that. "I know. That's a nice name. Did you know that there were two twin brothers called Remus and Romulus? I don't remember the entire story but I know that one brother died and the other one was raised by a wolf and became emperor of Rome. Did you know that Lupin is latin for wolf? Do your parents have a wolf obsession? I like wolves. They're my favorite animal." There I go again! For the last time, Marie, do not start babbling on about random facts that no one cares about!

"Sorry. Sometime I can't control my mouth. I think it's because I don't talk enough so I feel the need to make up for it."

"It's okay. I find what you say is interesting."

"Thanks. What do you need help on?"

Remus pushed the book towards me and sighed. "We're supposed to come up with antidotes to poison. I've been having a bit of trouble."

"That sounds exciting," I remarked. "Do you just dump in whatever ingredients or something?"

"Basically. But there are a bunch of laws to follow and my mind just went blank." Nodding slightly I scanned the textbook. Let's see…laws…..proportions…..blah, blah, blah…..my head swam. "Use a bezoar," I informed him. Remus blinked. "A what?"

"A bezoar," I repeated. "We learned it first year. It was one of those things that stuck with me. It's a stone from the stomach of a goat. It'll cure most poisons."

"But we had to make our own antidote," protested Remus.

"Yes, but there's nothing here saying we can't use a bezoar. As long as it's not mentioned we have every right to use it. Besides, it'd be much easier. I mean if someone was dying of poison would you honestly have enough time to brew an antidote or get medical attention ? And no offense, but if you're as awful in Potions as you say you are then you might not be able to brew an antidote. Using a bezoar is much easier. I don't see why people insist on taking long, difficult routes when there are short, easy ones. I guess it's about learning things and rewards, but I don't buy into that. Sure, the long way might be rewarding but come on! Why would you go through all that trouble? It's not that I'm lazy. I just think that it takes a smart person to see a shortcut sometimes, especially if the long way is being drilled into their heads."

Argh! I was doing it again! Why couldn't I keep my mouth shut? Maybe if I'd talked more in my earlier years I'd wouldn't start babbling about dumb things and embarrassing myself. I was shy. I didn't talk. It was against all laws of nature for me to talk so much. Remus was staring at me, his eyes wide. "I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me." Blushing I turned to leave, but Remus grabbed my hand. "It's okay. I just didn't know you could talk so much. How come you never talk?"

Because I don't want to. Because I have nothing interesting to say. Because I'll start rambling on about something stupid and people will think I'm insane. Because I'll feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd and everyone is laughing at me. "I don't know," I muttered. That's right. Go with the classic.

"You should talk more. You have a lot of interesting things to say."

And James and Snape are best friends. "I……" Thankfully I was interrupted by a voice calling, "Moony, where are you?"

"Here!"

"This is a library! Show some respect!"

"Ouch, stupid bat!" Sirius Black came around the corner. I averted my eyes and started to leave. Remus was one thing, but being around Sirius Black? Forget it. "That crazy bat charmed books to hit me!" he whined, rubbing his head.

"Well, you were yelling in the library. What are you even doing here anyway?" I asked.

"I was looking for Moony….who are you? Is this your girlfriend, Moony? I can see why you didn't tell us about her, she's too plain. Did you want to date a smart chick? Because I can set you up with Sarah Locke. She's smart and she has a thing for you." Throughout Sirius's rambling my face was steadily flushing redder. How dared he? Just because I was plain-looking and shy didn't mean that I didn't have feelings. Why did Sirius think that he could say whatever he wanted about me in front of me? What, just because he was the sex god of Gryffindor or whatever the hell he was called he thought he could say whatever he wanted about girls? Did he think I was some dumb animal who couldn't understand him?

Trembling with rage I reached for my wand. It would only take one hex. I could ruin his life. Images of his precious features being mangled danced across my mind and I giggled. "You know Moony, next time you want a girlfriend, try not to date one from planet woooo!" Sirius chuckled, making the universal crazy sign. I couldn't hit him; I was afraid he'd hit me back. Besides, if I dared touch Sirius Black I'd be run out of school. Making sure my face was immobile, I summoned my bag. "It was nice talking to you, Remus. Bye."

"Marie, don't go. Sirius was just being a prat."

"That's okay," I assured him. "I have to…." I let my voice trail off and scurried out of there. As soon as I was away from the library I kicked the wall. Pain shot up my toe and I hopped up and down angrily. I have got to learn how to control my impulses. Sirius's words echoed in my ears. Why did everyone worship him? He was just like that Narcissus. Huh, it'd be funny if he saw his reflection and fell in love with himself and couldn't leave the mirror. Maybe I should do that. I wonder if there was a charm for that. On a sudden inspiration I transfigured my book into a mirror. Plain skin with a few pimples, dull brown hair and eyes, flat chest, baggy clothes….Sirius would never remember me. Excellent.

I spent the next few hours in my dorm, poring over my books. I couldn't find a spell to make Sirius fall in love with himself, and I wasn't sure how to spike the love potion. Well, he'd insulted me twice, which meant I had to get payback twice. I know, I know, two wrongs don't make a right. But two negatives make a positive.

The rest of the day passed by uneventfully. I snuck into the kitchens to eat, and headed to my dorm. As I passed the Great Hall I noticed Sirius snogging some brunette. Perfect. He clearly had forgotten our encounter in the library. I stayed up for hours, reading. When I was sure that it was late enough, I cast an invisibility spell and snuck out of my dorm. Maybe I shouldn't be doing this. Yes, I should. Stop being such a wimp and live a little. I snuck to Gryffindor Tower and frowned. How was I supposed to get in? Why didn't I learn the password? Let's see, I'd heard someone say it….what was it…..oh right…. "Butterbeer!" I hissed. The Fat Lady yawned and swung open. Seconds later I heard her snoring. Hopefully she'd think it was just a dream. Besides, she couldn't see me.

I slipped silently into the seventh year dorms and looked around. Sirius had the sheets thrown off and he was snoring. Silently I crept towards him and muttered a spell. Excellent. Snickering quietly to myself, I slipped out of the Gryffindor tower and returned to the Ravenclaw dorm. With a smile on my face I pulled the covers over my head. Tomorrow would be a good Sunday.

The next morning I was reading a book while anxiously glancing up. Stop it, Marie! You'll give yourself away. Now, when Sirius comes in, laugh like everyone else will, and go back to your book. He won't know it's you. I returned to my book, intently listening for Sirius's entrance. Did I hear loud voices? Yes, I did. Five, four, three, two, one…. Sirius swaggered into the Great Hall. Oblivious to the gasps he sauntered over to a girl and started flirting. She shrieked and fled. "What's her problem?" James shrugged. "Beats me," he grunted.

"Sirius, what did you do?" a girl wailed. Sirius scrunched up his face in confusion.

"What are you talking about?" I muttered a spell and James gasped.

"What did you do, Sirius?"

"I didn't do anything! Why does everybody keep asking me that!"

James grabbed a spoon and shoved it at his best friend. Sirius let out a strangled yell. He now resembled a horrible hairy monster. Hair grew everywhere on his body and saliva dripped from his mouth. His lips were huge and swollen and his eyes bloodshot under a thick uni brow. Not my best work, but Sirius wasn't attractive anymore. "Who did this?" he roared. Everyone was too busy laughing to say anything. Professor Mcgonagall scurried towards him, yelling at the students to be quiet. Snickering quietly to myself I left the Great Hall. Even if Sirius could be cured, he'd still have hair growing like mad for about a week. The best part was he didn't suspect me. Let this be a lesson to you, Sirius Black- never piss off the quiet, smart girl.


End file.
